Just in case

Just in case someone didn't know what 21 kilos looked like.

(Or someone shoot that fat woman).

Seriously.



I've shrunk!

I'm back.

I'm back, again. I have a huge journal thing to do, but the library is so warm and I feel sleepy. So I am blogging - giving you, my readers, my very best!

I'm supposed to be writing about old age as it relates to globalisation and the politics of need. Not the most inspiring topic.

Instead, how about I tell you that I went to 'An Inconvenient Truth' which you can read about here. It's about global warming basically, and very well presented by Mr Al Gore. It is excellent really - heavy on facts, but they are presented so well that its not overwhelming. It is, I think, probably overly optimistic. I am not certian that we can actually prevent the disasters that Mr Gore terrifys us with. I mean, perhaps it is physically possible, but I think not actually possible in reality. Hope I'm wrong!

I felt like crying most of the way through it. I just love this earth. It's so indescribably beautiful and perfect. So thoughtfully put together. It fills me with grief that we may so destroy it. And for what? Material wealth. It's such a tragedy to me.

Meanwhile, as part of my course, I also watched this doco on sustainable farming in New Zealand - well it was about organic farming. It was so thrillingly inspiring (yes, I am a geek). It makes such perfect sense. I would like to be an organic farmer. After I've cured world poverty and been a museum curator.

So much to do, so little time! If only I had been born when we still lived to 900 years old.

So I'm back. I should actually say that HOPEFULLY this week I will have reached a bit of a milestone in my life. Since April I've been working hard on diet and exercise, and I've somehow managed to loose almost 20 kilos. Well, this week hopefully I will reach 20. It's a massive undertaking for me, not so much the diet and exercise, although that's pretty major. More mentally and emotionally. I knew when I started that this had to be more spiritual and than physical. There's this verse in the Bible that says that physical discipline has some merit, but so much more does spiritual discipline. So right off I knew that was the key for me.

See I have this huge mental mountain inside that says I am physically not good enough. Partly because I see myself as obese and disgusting, but even more that I believe I cannot make my body do what I want it too. This is why I never pushed myself physically, because I thought there was no point. However, I've started to challenge this core beliefs, and slowly and painfully they are starting to change. It's very hard. You see, much of the time, when I look in the mirror I cannot see any difference, even though I know that 20 kilos is a heck of a lot. I am starting to be able to see it, but it's very hard. That is quite devastating for me, because I feel sometimes like it's been pointless and I've achieved nothing.

However, I'm slowly changing - mostly thanks to God's working in me.

He whispers "I am always with you".

My life lights up.