I've been reading blogs, and feel like blogging so I will. I've been looking at Alan's a bit, as well as Maria's. Man, some people think to much, and worry too much. I have a friend like that. She is constantly worried about whether she is doing the right thing. The other day I go to her " you need to relax" and instantly she goes "do you think that's something I should work on"?! Oh my goodness.
I think these kids are just overly concerned about everything.
Since I've gone flatting I have stopped watching the News or reading the Papers. I don't know what Bird Flu is. I don't know about anything. It is so fantastic. Seriously. I am less scared. I am not fed on a diet of media sensationalism. I am not buying into the hype. I already know the world is off to hell in a handbasket. I don't need to know specifics.
I feel like roast chicken.
And gravy.
During the recent "war" in Iraq there were posters around which said "War Porn" in reference to the fact that the "war" was basically screening live on TV 24/7. I thought it was a really clever way to frame it, and it has stuck with me.
Boycott the News I say (and bring back Judy Bailey).
Sorry I'm out of practise at blogging, and suck at it. I'll have to start practising.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
He does like someone else
Bah humbug.
Exams are OVER! Yes, I am free, for two beautiful blessed weeks. I am sitting at home, on the laptop, nothing to do but blog and eat.
(simona is still studying)
I have been to the beach so much lately, I have sand in places I didn't even know I had places. Lovely! I LOVE the beach, there is something spiritual about standing in the water with the waves battering against you. Hmmmmm (nothing spiritual about the sand though).
Argh, doing nothing is rotting my brain, I can't think of anything to say.
Dang it.
Exams are OVER! Yes, I am free, for two beautiful blessed weeks. I am sitting at home, on the laptop, nothing to do but blog and eat.
(simona is still studying)
I have been to the beach so much lately, I have sand in places I didn't even know I had places. Lovely! I LOVE the beach, there is something spiritual about standing in the water with the waves battering against you. Hmmmmm (nothing spiritual about the sand though).
Argh, doing nothing is rotting my brain, I can't think of anything to say.
Dang it.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Can I just say though:
after Sunday and Wednesday night - I feel radically and permanently altered....
Take Me to Bed
I am TIRED. So tired. I went to bed at 5:00am this morning. I, in my 25 year old body, am not built to stay up that late.
I have had the craziest ride this week - Sundays experiance was more than trumped when the girls in my lounge group prayed for me on Wednesday, it is too precious to me to narrow down to words....then I went to work to pick up something yesterday, and my team leader tells me there's no work for me over Summer - so I have to find a new job!
Then last night some friends told us that a guy from church was playing at the Jet Set Lounge, so we went down to watch him. He was a revelation, I knew he was talented but he is SUPER talented. And totally beautiful. And probably interested in someone else, but I am a sucker for tall dark and handsome, which he is all of.
Aaarrgggghh.
Must sleep, but must also write 2000 words on imagined community.
Kill me.
I have had the craziest ride this week - Sundays experiance was more than trumped when the girls in my lounge group prayed for me on Wednesday, it is too precious to me to narrow down to words....then I went to work to pick up something yesterday, and my team leader tells me there's no work for me over Summer - so I have to find a new job!
Then last night some friends told us that a guy from church was playing at the Jet Set Lounge, so we went down to watch him. He was a revelation, I knew he was talented but he is SUPER talented. And totally beautiful. And probably interested in someone else, but I am a sucker for tall dark and handsome, which he is all of.
Aaarrgggghh.
Must sleep, but must also write 2000 words on imagined community.
Kill me.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Slain in the Spirit
I'm so tense, NZ Idol is just being announced it is.....he's opening the envelope....cheering....it's....Rosita!
Wow, the excitement.
Anyway I wanted to write yet again to gloat over what God is doing in me. I still can't get over how fantastic it is to be growing, I suddenly get (after 17 years as a Christian) what everyone was always talking about. Last night at church I was slain in the spirit (that phrase makes me giggle). That is, someone prayed for me and I fell down. It was cool! It's not like the first time or anything, but it was special because I felt that tangible physical presense in my body, and it was real. I so wanted something real. I guess with all the awesome stuff God is doing, I still feel like I am missing the intimacy. It was cool in many ways because it wasn't this random occurance, but an extension of the power of God evident in my life. Now, I am aware many of my readers are not what you might call raging pentecostals. The thought of a meeting where almost every person gets 'Slain in the Spirit' might not ring true with you, once upon a cynical time it certianly would not have sat well with me. But some things just are, they can't be explained, they are mysterious and, well, odd.
And last night, well, it was what it was, and then there was my friend. She undoubtably has an eating disorder, and spends most of her time buried in sadness or so it appears. But there she was, standing alone, arms open wide, eyes up, lost in something mysterious.
Go figure!
Now, its not all so simple as that, nope it never is. But somethings cannot be rationalised, cannot be explained, cannot be fully understood: "The secret things belong to the LORD our God" (here).
Wow, the excitement.
Anyway I wanted to write yet again to gloat over what God is doing in me. I still can't get over how fantastic it is to be growing, I suddenly get (after 17 years as a Christian) what everyone was always talking about. Last night at church I was slain in the spirit (that phrase makes me giggle). That is, someone prayed for me and I fell down. It was cool! It's not like the first time or anything, but it was special because I felt that tangible physical presense in my body, and it was real. I so wanted something real. I guess with all the awesome stuff God is doing, I still feel like I am missing the intimacy. It was cool in many ways because it wasn't this random occurance, but an extension of the power of God evident in my life. Now, I am aware many of my readers are not what you might call raging pentecostals. The thought of a meeting where almost every person gets 'Slain in the Spirit' might not ring true with you, once upon a cynical time it certianly would not have sat well with me. But some things just are, they can't be explained, they are mysterious and, well, odd.
And last night, well, it was what it was, and then there was my friend. She undoubtably has an eating disorder, and spends most of her time buried in sadness or so it appears. But there she was, standing alone, arms open wide, eyes up, lost in something mysterious.
Go figure!
Now, its not all so simple as that, nope it never is. But somethings cannot be rationalised, cannot be explained, cannot be fully understood: "The secret things belong to the LORD our God" (here).
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Ah she's in the shower
So I am set loose on the laptop for a very short time. I am working, I am but I must also blog, so as to avoid the guilt trips imposed by those members of the blogging communty who like to hang on my every word.
What to write about. This week the brilliant O2 worship team is going to start learning my song. MY song. I am extremely and unfeasibly excited. Who would have thought, two years ago, that one of the coolest churches in christchurch, not to mention one of the biggest, would be doing one of MY songs. God is so unutterably good to me, it is manifestly unspeakable.
Last Wednesday I took our cell group (we take turns) and it was so cool. In my lounge group there are about 6-8 girls, and to a man we are talkers. We like to discuss. There is no floor hogging, you simply get talked over until you shut up. We all talk, we have varied and interesting points of view, and we don't like to take anything for granted. So, I used the first two commandments as a basis, and we conducted a discussion on WHY God spent two commandments on what appears to be the same thing. First, don't have other Gods, second don't have idols. We use these words fairly interchangeably in modern Christianity, but clearly God wouldn't repeat himself given that there are only 10 commandments. So we explored what the difference might be, and what application it might have in our lives. Then we spent some time individually looking at what those Gods and idols might be in our lives, and paired up. In pairs, we first prayed aloud to confess those Gods and idols, and then the other one prayed for us. It was great, really really great. I got to go with a cool girl who is really seriously struggling and she said that it was the first time in two years that something had got through to her. It was so awesome to be able to help her, listen to her, encourage her and support her.
She was so honest, telling me she wasn't ready to give up the God or the idols because she didnt' want to. She felt terribly helpless, but then we talked about how she could come to GOd with that, and ask him to change the way she felt. She was so excited, becuase finally here was something she felt she could actually do, in all honesty.
What I got out of it was the amazing work God has done in me. As she talked with such shame, I looked at my list of Gods and idols and I did not feel shame. Instead I felt excited about what God could do in me. I felt conviction, I recognised that God needed to change these things in me, but not shame. Man, that is such an enormous thing for me. I cannot believe these words come out of my mouth. He is so the God of the impossible. I was filled with such an excitement and joy about my life.
Argh, it's unexplainable.
She's back! I am caught.
Back to my assignment.
What to write about. This week the brilliant O2 worship team is going to start learning my song. MY song. I am extremely and unfeasibly excited. Who would have thought, two years ago, that one of the coolest churches in christchurch, not to mention one of the biggest, would be doing one of MY songs. God is so unutterably good to me, it is manifestly unspeakable.
Last Wednesday I took our cell group (we take turns) and it was so cool. In my lounge group there are about 6-8 girls, and to a man we are talkers. We like to discuss. There is no floor hogging, you simply get talked over until you shut up. We all talk, we have varied and interesting points of view, and we don't like to take anything for granted. So, I used the first two commandments as a basis, and we conducted a discussion on WHY God spent two commandments on what appears to be the same thing. First, don't have other Gods, second don't have idols. We use these words fairly interchangeably in modern Christianity, but clearly God wouldn't repeat himself given that there are only 10 commandments. So we explored what the difference might be, and what application it might have in our lives. Then we spent some time individually looking at what those Gods and idols might be in our lives, and paired up. In pairs, we first prayed aloud to confess those Gods and idols, and then the other one prayed for us. It was great, really really great. I got to go with a cool girl who is really seriously struggling and she said that it was the first time in two years that something had got through to her. It was so awesome to be able to help her, listen to her, encourage her and support her.
She was so honest, telling me she wasn't ready to give up the God or the idols because she didnt' want to. She felt terribly helpless, but then we talked about how she could come to GOd with that, and ask him to change the way she felt. She was so excited, becuase finally here was something she felt she could actually do, in all honesty.
What I got out of it was the amazing work God has done in me. As she talked with such shame, I looked at my list of Gods and idols and I did not feel shame. Instead I felt excited about what God could do in me. I felt conviction, I recognised that God needed to change these things in me, but not shame. Man, that is such an enormous thing for me. I cannot believe these words come out of my mouth. He is so the God of the impossible. I was filled with such an excitement and joy about my life.
Argh, it's unexplainable.
She's back! I am caught.
Back to my assignment.
Monday, October 10, 2005
It has been a while
rather a while, but I have been inexcusably busy and Simona hogs the 'puter something chronic. No, she doesn't. That is a bald-face lie.
Oh no, now she wants it back. Stupid essays.
More to come.
Oh no, now she wants it back. Stupid essays.
More to come.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Ralph Hotere
This is my favorite print ever.
Well, a link to it.
here.
I am having a deep week. God has been doing a lot of STUFF in my life. I have been talking about things I never dreamed I would put into words. I have embarked upon a journey I never dreamed I would take. My life is in His hands, and he is moulding me.
I spent years stagnant. I spent years not seeing any change, any movement.
But this week, I see how much change has occurred in me in the last two years. I am truly a new person. Life is so sweet for me, even in the pain or pressure of new places and old places revisited.
I just want to say, I love my church. In Elim I have found a home. I have begun to GROW. I have been challenged and uplifted, offended and frustrated all at once! No church is perfect, I can tell you. Sometimes I sit in church and CRINGE. I get angry and rage against the stupidity I sometimes see. But I am challenged, and constantly reminded that there are other ways of being out there, just as valid as mine. Furthermore, I can honestly believe in the people of Elim. They LOVE God, they are so passionate. So, when they are wrong (in my opinion), at least they are wrong out of passion and determination and not sluggish bored inept dissaffected-ness. I love the praise and worship, the preaching, the community. I am growing. I am free. It feels good.
Must go, Sim wants the 'puter.
See ya soon.
Well, a link to it.
here.
I am having a deep week. God has been doing a lot of STUFF in my life. I have been talking about things I never dreamed I would put into words. I have embarked upon a journey I never dreamed I would take. My life is in His hands, and he is moulding me.
I spent years stagnant. I spent years not seeing any change, any movement.
But this week, I see how much change has occurred in me in the last two years. I am truly a new person. Life is so sweet for me, even in the pain or pressure of new places and old places revisited.
I just want to say, I love my church. In Elim I have found a home. I have begun to GROW. I have been challenged and uplifted, offended and frustrated all at once! No church is perfect, I can tell you. Sometimes I sit in church and CRINGE. I get angry and rage against the stupidity I sometimes see. But I am challenged, and constantly reminded that there are other ways of being out there, just as valid as mine. Furthermore, I can honestly believe in the people of Elim. They LOVE God, they are so passionate. So, when they are wrong (in my opinion), at least they are wrong out of passion and determination and not sluggish bored inept dissaffected-ness. I love the praise and worship, the preaching, the community. I am growing. I am free. It feels good.
Must go, Sim wants the 'puter.
See ya soon.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Aha!
So I take my song into my sexy leader/intern person, and my Craig off Shortland St like Director and they liked it! Well, they made me change some bits, but still, they liked it overall! So here is the new revamped version and (hopefully) a quite budget but still usable recording of it (on our pinhole microphone)
Here I am, I stand
Open heart and open hands
I want to go to you
No one else will do
My heart has found its rest in you, in you
This world is not my home, it’s you, it’s you
I lay my burden down, for you, for you
My everything for you, for you.
Your love has found the way
To wipe away my tears
You take me from my chains
From my sin, and from my fears
My heart has found its rest in you, in you
This world is not my home, it’s you, it’s you
I lay my burden down, for you, for you
My everything for you, for you.
Here 'tis:
Here I am, I stand
Open heart and open hands
I want to go to you
No one else will do
My heart has found its rest in you, in you
This world is not my home, it’s you, it’s you
I lay my burden down, for you, for you
My everything for you, for you.
Your love has found the way
To wipe away my tears
You take me from my chains
From my sin, and from my fears
My heart has found its rest in you, in you
This world is not my home, it’s you, it’s you
I lay my burden down, for you, for you
My everything for you, for you.
Here 'tis:
Monday, September 19, 2005
I'm addicted to Trademe.
I have been asked by my sexy worship team leader/intern person to write some songs for church, and I smilingly agreed.
I have discovered, or actually rediscovered, that its terribly hard to write worship music. My songs are obscure, that is their glory. I bare my naked soul, without actually telling anyone much about what is going on. Writing a song that other people might be able to use is quite another matter.
This is my attempt, and the second draft stage:
Here I am, I stand
Open heart in open hands
I want to go to you
No one else will do
My heart has found its rest in you, in you
This world is not my home, its you, its you
I lay my dreamings down for you, for you
My everything for you, for you.
Take my weary hand
Lead me out of here
Take me from my chains
From my sin, and from my fear
My heart has found its rest in you, in you
This world is not my home, its you, its you
I lay my dreamings down for you, for you
My everything for you, for you.
Well, I don't know. I'll try it out on my tall, dark, handsome Leader tomorrow.
I have discovered, or actually rediscovered, that its terribly hard to write worship music. My songs are obscure, that is their glory. I bare my naked soul, without actually telling anyone much about what is going on. Writing a song that other people might be able to use is quite another matter.
This is my attempt, and the second draft stage:
Here I am, I stand
Open heart in open hands
I want to go to you
No one else will do
My heart has found its rest in you, in you
This world is not my home, its you, its you
I lay my dreamings down for you, for you
My everything for you, for you.
Take my weary hand
Lead me out of here
Take me from my chains
From my sin, and from my fear
My heart has found its rest in you, in you
This world is not my home, its you, its you
I lay my dreamings down for you, for you
My everything for you, for you.
Well, I don't know. I'll try it out on my tall, dark, handsome Leader tomorrow.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Me again
I am supposed to be doing an assignment
You might be able to guess that.
Here are some before and after photos of me.
Before the hair cut
After the hair cut (hopefully).
I will, no doubt, look something like a mix between these two attractive women.
Only I, of course, will look better.
Doing it for the Kids
The blog that follows, on singleness, is extremely well thought out and interesting, however it is also extremely long. Thus, I shall include this pretty picture of me, to look at.
This is for those of you who have no interest in my deep and fascinating thoughts. Furthermore, it is for those of you who think singleness is not a particularly interesting topic. Likewise, it is for those of you who are not really THAT interested in anything I could possible say if it has to be so incredibly long as the below post is. Therefore, in conclusion this post is for everyone who reads my blog. Except, possibly my Mum.
Singleness
I had a whole post written out before this, to preface it but it disappeared when I tried to spell check, so no luck. (Who reads the preface anyway).
On my student allowance form recently I had to put my relationship status - Tick box Single. Then I had to fill in the date this relationship status began. There was a note "If you are single, fill in with your birth date". Lol. So, I've been single since birth. Incidently, when I received a hard copy of my form, it had the date as 1/1/1870. Terrible.
I am single. My last 'relationship' (and I use that term loosely) ended when I was 17, which, (if you add), means I have been officially single for about 7 1/2 years. THAT is a long time. I'm 25 now. I'm still young enough to not feel left on the shelf. Although, in Christian terms I may well be. It is the fashion these days to marry the first ONE who seems right. I am of the opinion that Christians often marry to young, to quickly, and without seriously thinking about it. I don't think young people often consider the fact that they have to LIVE with this person (whom they've never lived with) for the next 50-60 years. That's a heck of a long time.
I know a couple recently who married and they had dated for 5 years. The wife said that she had waited that long because she wanted to be ready in herself, she wanted to be a whole person before she married him. I totally respected what she said, and was ecstatic that she is such a great role model for the young Christians she was talking to.
I have lots of opinions on marriage, but since I'm not married, I better cut it there and move onto my particular area of expertise.
Singleness is frowned upon. It's like puberty - a necessary space of time and existence, which should be endured politely and exited from at the earliest convenience. It's unpopular. It's like an illness. It's a symptom of being 'not ready' or to eager or just generally immature. But don't worry "God has a perfect man out there for you somewhere". This is the worst though: When I say to someone that I love being single and I hear "that's because you don't have a boyfriend" or "yeah right"!. Pfffff. Shut up smug-ones! My favorites are "you will find someone when you are ready" or "when you stop wanting it, it will happen". As my mother would say "what a put down"! You can imagine the mental gymnastics I put myself through - trying to stop wanting it because I wanted it so badly, but it wouldn't happen if I wanted it.....
The bible actually has a different take on it. Paul refers to singleness and marriage as gifts (1 Corinth 7:7). So singleness is actually a gift. (For a GREAT essay about this look here). At 17 I did not wholeheartedly believe this. Or even halfheartedly. Or at all actually. For YEARS all I wanted was to be in a relationship. ANYONE who knew me then knew that! Lots of people think I had a serious lust problem I imagine, but this could not be further from the truth, although I allowed it to circulate for a laugh.
I have changed. I know longer view singleness as a necessary evil on par with puberty or menopause. Nor do I view it as a preparation ground for marriage, necessarily. It is, as Paul said, (and I paraphrase), good for a woman to be single, because then she can give her whole heart to God. Singleness IS a gift. I LOVE it. I love the freedom, I love the possibilities, I love the anticipation, I love the deep friendships with a variety of people, I love being master of my own life, I love the solitude. I love the sense that I am just me, alone on this voyage. On this pilgrimage.
As a matter of course, there are times when the deep longings rise up and choke me. Last night my eyes found a one that I have long held feelings for, deep down in my heart. There were thousands of people there, but my eyes found him. He looks better than ever. My fingers ache, literally, to touch him. I want to talk to him, to hear how he is, to tell him I pray for him, to invite him out.
These are good, natural, pure, created feelings. I have long tried to suppress them, but that only intensifies the desire. God said to me "I made you this way! To have these feelings. I love you feelings, your desires. Its right to feel that way. But offer them up, a thing precious. And so I do.
My two sets of feelings do not negate each other. They rest in me, in tension always. There is room inside me for more than one feeling.
So there it is, singleness is my role, and perhaps, despite the urgings and commiserations, I will not find that 'perfect person'. In fact, it is a certainty I shall not, since by the time men get over 25 they are far from perfect in my experience. Perhaps I will marry one day, perhaps not. Perhaps my life will fill instead with friendship, career and poverty curing. Maybe I will be Dr Sharyn Brown and buy my own house and travel the world designing fantastically effective and sustainable development strategies. Maybe I will adopt some beautiful child and love it all my life. Maybe I will be free to give my whole heart to God for as long as I live, and maybe my death with be a glorious re-union with Him whom I have set my heart on. Sounds awful doesn't it, how can I bear the thought? Maybe the longings will always be there, deep in my heart. Maybe they will rise up and make me ache as I do in last-night-like moments. Those thoughts do make me quail, but shall I turn back for lack of courage? No, I have put my hand to the plough, and I will not turn back.
This is the song...
"Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Blessed be your name...
On my student allowance form recently I had to put my relationship status - Tick box Single. Then I had to fill in the date this relationship status began. There was a note "If you are single, fill in with your birth date". Lol. So, I've been single since birth. Incidently, when I received a hard copy of my form, it had the date as 1/1/1870. Terrible.
I am single. My last 'relationship' (and I use that term loosely) ended when I was 17, which, (if you add), means I have been officially single for about 7 1/2 years. THAT is a long time. I'm 25 now. I'm still young enough to not feel left on the shelf. Although, in Christian terms I may well be. It is the fashion these days to marry the first ONE who seems right. I am of the opinion that Christians often marry to young, to quickly, and without seriously thinking about it. I don't think young people often consider the fact that they have to LIVE with this person (whom they've never lived with) for the next 50-60 years. That's a heck of a long time.
I know a couple recently who married and they had dated for 5 years. The wife said that she had waited that long because she wanted to be ready in herself, she wanted to be a whole person before she married him. I totally respected what she said, and was ecstatic that she is such a great role model for the young Christians she was talking to.
I have lots of opinions on marriage, but since I'm not married, I better cut it there and move onto my particular area of expertise.
Singleness is frowned upon. It's like puberty - a necessary space of time and existence, which should be endured politely and exited from at the earliest convenience. It's unpopular. It's like an illness. It's a symptom of being 'not ready' or to eager or just generally immature. But don't worry "God has a perfect man out there for you somewhere". This is the worst though: When I say to someone that I love being single and I hear "that's because you don't have a boyfriend" or "yeah right"!. Pfffff. Shut up smug-ones! My favorites are "you will find someone when you are ready" or "when you stop wanting it, it will happen". As my mother would say "what a put down"! You can imagine the mental gymnastics I put myself through - trying to stop wanting it because I wanted it so badly, but it wouldn't happen if I wanted it.....
The bible actually has a different take on it. Paul refers to singleness and marriage as gifts (1 Corinth 7:7). So singleness is actually a gift. (For a GREAT essay about this look here). At 17 I did not wholeheartedly believe this. Or even halfheartedly. Or at all actually. For YEARS all I wanted was to be in a relationship. ANYONE who knew me then knew that! Lots of people think I had a serious lust problem I imagine, but this could not be further from the truth, although I allowed it to circulate for a laugh.
I have changed. I know longer view singleness as a necessary evil on par with puberty or menopause. Nor do I view it as a preparation ground for marriage, necessarily. It is, as Paul said, (and I paraphrase), good for a woman to be single, because then she can give her whole heart to God. Singleness IS a gift. I LOVE it. I love the freedom, I love the possibilities, I love the anticipation, I love the deep friendships with a variety of people, I love being master of my own life, I love the solitude. I love the sense that I am just me, alone on this voyage. On this pilgrimage.
As a matter of course, there are times when the deep longings rise up and choke me. Last night my eyes found a one that I have long held feelings for, deep down in my heart. There were thousands of people there, but my eyes found him. He looks better than ever. My fingers ache, literally, to touch him. I want to talk to him, to hear how he is, to tell him I pray for him, to invite him out.
These are good, natural, pure, created feelings. I have long tried to suppress them, but that only intensifies the desire. God said to me "I made you this way! To have these feelings. I love you feelings, your desires. Its right to feel that way. But offer them up, a thing precious. And so I do.
My two sets of feelings do not negate each other. They rest in me, in tension always. There is room inside me for more than one feeling.
So there it is, singleness is my role, and perhaps, despite the urgings and commiserations, I will not find that 'perfect person'. In fact, it is a certainty I shall not, since by the time men get over 25 they are far from perfect in my experience. Perhaps I will marry one day, perhaps not. Perhaps my life will fill instead with friendship, career and poverty curing. Maybe I will be Dr Sharyn Brown and buy my own house and travel the world designing fantastically effective and sustainable development strategies. Maybe I will adopt some beautiful child and love it all my life. Maybe I will be free to give my whole heart to God for as long as I live, and maybe my death with be a glorious re-union with Him whom I have set my heart on. Sounds awful doesn't it, how can I bear the thought? Maybe the longings will always be there, deep in my heart. Maybe they will rise up and make me ache as I do in last-night-like moments. Those thoughts do make me quail, but shall I turn back for lack of courage? No, I have put my hand to the plough, and I will not turn back.
This is the song...
"Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Blessed be your name...
Friday, September 09, 2005
LOTR
Yes, I am a crazed fan - Me and Sim found a site and took 'scared' photos. It's from the scene where the dark rider leans over the road, and the hobbits are hiding under a tree root. Terrifying.
Lol...what eggs we are.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
11.02
Again. How very weird. Hmmmm.
Well, thanks to EZnet, and Simona's superior computer-setting-up skills, we are safetly installed here at home! So I can 'clog' from the relative comfort of my own kitchen table. Two days ago it was my birthday, my 25th birthday. I was spoilt rotten! I got the best pressies, and surrounded by best friends I ate myself stupid as ever. The diet started today! I am so very lucky in my friendships, and in my family. I smile as I write, so thankful am I.
Simona and I have been faithfully walking 1/2 an hour every night for some time now. Lately we have taken to spending it praying. Tonight we dedicated it entirely to thank yous, not allowing ourselves any petition at all. Half an hour of thank you's is very easy to come by. I feel so uplifted, and I hope that He feels similarly!
One thing Simona thanked Himself for (and I concurred) was the boldness and courage it took for my mum and dad to come 'out of the wilderness'. I am amazed that after 35 years of such narrow living both have been so incredibly willing and successful at living outside the box. There were others of us that did not make it so successfully, who could not live 'in the world' but returned to the prison and locked the doors behind.
Soon I will post a poem I wrote about my experiance of this journey on my poetry blog...look for it tomorrow!
Well, thanks to EZnet, and Simona's superior computer-setting-up skills, we are safetly installed here at home! So I can 'clog' from the relative comfort of my own kitchen table. Two days ago it was my birthday, my 25th birthday. I was spoilt rotten! I got the best pressies, and surrounded by best friends I ate myself stupid as ever. The diet started today! I am so very lucky in my friendships, and in my family. I smile as I write, so thankful am I.
Simona and I have been faithfully walking 1/2 an hour every night for some time now. Lately we have taken to spending it praying. Tonight we dedicated it entirely to thank yous, not allowing ourselves any petition at all. Half an hour of thank you's is very easy to come by. I feel so uplifted, and I hope that He feels similarly!
One thing Simona thanked Himself for (and I concurred) was the boldness and courage it took for my mum and dad to come 'out of the wilderness'. I am amazed that after 35 years of such narrow living both have been so incredibly willing and successful at living outside the box. There were others of us that did not make it so successfully, who could not live 'in the world' but returned to the prison and locked the doors behind.
Soon I will post a poem I wrote about my experiance of this journey on my poetry blog...look for it tomorrow!
Thursday, August 18, 2005
11:02pm
I should be in BED.
However, I am not. I am at Danielles using her computer. Simona is doing a Sudoku. With a pen. You can't do it with a pen. It's impossible.
You need a pencil.
Hear my latest:
Fall asleep and dream
Pretty, useless dreams
And wake up with His crown upon your head
His cross upon your back...
There's more, but undone as yet.
Can't figure out whether crown or cross should come first.
However, I am not. I am at Danielles using her computer. Simona is doing a Sudoku. With a pen. You can't do it with a pen. It's impossible.
You need a pencil.
Hear my latest:
Fall asleep and dream
Pretty, useless dreams
And wake up with His crown upon your head
His cross upon your back...
There's more, but undone as yet.
Can't figure out whether crown or cross should come first.
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