Friday, October 23, 2009

Fantastic win

Great day today, major scary challenge at work today, but I rocked it!

Feeling happy, content and, most importantly to me, competent!

And, just look at my new lovely lady, who arrived from Napier this week:


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Like a finger on lips.

I have been thinking, lately, about old pain and what to do about it. A while back, quite a considerable while now, I had a big balony with a certian someone. A big balony. I was deeply traumatised. I'm a bit of a sensitive soul (though I seem thick skinned) and truly, this event was horrific for me. I relive it often, just as if it were happening again. The pain has not diminished.

Subsequent to this event, there have been a couple of other incidents with this same person, not all involving me personally.

I struggle with my feelings for them. I am confused. I am angry. I am furious. I am sad and disappointed. I am hurt and I am damaged.

I want to heal, but I do not know how.

So I get to thinking about physical injury. Does time heal physical wounds? Well, yes and no. Yes, our bodies are set up with the intent to heal. That is what the body wants to do. If you give it time, our bodies heal our physical injuries.

But, only if certian conditions are met, as follows:
  1. The wound is cleaned and not exposed to contaminants.
  2. The wound is covered and protected from further injury.
  3. The wound is exposed to the air, so it doesn't get overly moist.
  4. The wound is not exposed to other wounds, so as to avoid cross contamination.
  5. Sometimes, it needs to be treated with an antiseptic, or stitched, or otherwise treated.

I think that non-physical wounds are like this too, as follows:

  1. The wound is not exposed to contaminants such as anger, bitterness, the wounds of others, hatred.
  2. The wound is protected from further injury, perhaps through distance and careful decision making.
  3. The wound is not hidden away to fester, but exposed (carefully) through sharing and acknowlegement.
  4. The wound is not exposed to similar wounds, by combining/conflating all similar experiances as one and going over it with other people who have similar wounds.
  5. Sometimes, a bit of outside help is needed in the healing process.

These are my thoughts. I need to figure out how to apply this theory to my practical reality. Right now it hurts, like when I had a wobbly tooth and I didn't to show anyone in case they pulled it out (who would do that???? who???). Even though so much time has passed, it is not healed. Maybe I have not been treating my wound properly. Maybe my body needs some help.