Weird weather day today, what with the nor'west arch looming over the mountains. Unseasonal.
I feel weird today, I guess I'm in a weird space. Living here in my beloved Christchurch but also living partly in Sydney - I'm looking and applying for jobs, looking at places to rent, thinking about selling my stuff, saving, mentally I guess saying goodbye to my life here.
Everything just feels uneasy and I hate that.
So these toadies suit me today.
I like them, all in a pile.
There are just so many things I don't like about myself. I just wish I were more motivated to change the things I don't like. Sometimes I just feel so powerless.
I've lost 10 kilos but a big part of me just thinks, well wont I inevitably just put that back on? What is the point? I've been big all my life, why would I be different now?
I don't know.
Winter, you are in my bones.