Saturday, July 31, 2010

Fear not - I have Not abandoned my post

Nope, I have not.

Weird weather day today, what with the nor'west arch looming over the mountains.  Unseasonal.

I feel weird today, I guess I'm in a weird space.  Living here in my beloved Christchurch but also living partly in Sydney - I'm looking and applying for jobs, looking at places to rent, thinking about selling my stuff, saving, mentally I guess saying goodbye to my life here.

Everything just feels uneasy and I hate that.

So these toadies suit me today.

I like them, all in a pile.

There are just so many things I don't like about myself.  I just wish I were more motivated to change the things I don't like.  Sometimes I just feel so powerless.

I've lost 10 kilos but a big part of me just thinks, well wont I inevitably just put that back on?  What is the point?  I've been big all my life, why would I be different now?

I don't know.

Winter, you are in my bones.


Anonymous said...

You have more than 2 readers! That's the thing about change - it's always a little bit exciting and a little bit scary and it takes time - but the difference for us is that God is with us through the changes. I pray God will exceed your expectations as your move forward in your life.

Helen said...

I didn't tell you yet, but I adore your new blog layout. The mushrooms, the text, the wood. Fantastic.

You're pretty amazing. I don't know. I just think you are.