This is my very first blog from my brand new Macbook. It's so flash! Gah, it's so nice. Weird getting used to a new system you know, but I'm starting to find my way around kind of.
Life is so good at the moment, but even when life is good there's always the constant background of 'stuff' that goes on all the time. You know, the old hurts or traumas, the frustrations, the un-forgiveness, the run of the mill, day to day things that just kind of have to be maintained or something. And of course all the family and friend 'issues' that you have to work at, that never get better really or worse, but just travel the same well worn paths over and over.
Church is a big one for me. I just, I don't know. I left my old church quite a while back in reality, and relatively recently in theory. I don't know where to go from here. I'd like to be all PC and go to a local church but, frankly, I'm bored at those churches. I just feel lost. Honestly, I don't want to go to church at all. Well, that's not strictly true, I want to go to church, I just don't want to belong or commit to a church. In all honesty I'm scared. I've had my hopes up and been disillusioned a number of time by churches, which is ridiculous I know, but nevertheless true. I feel, well not exactly jaded, just a bit vulnerable and damaged I guess.
It's rough because I always thought of myself as a big church goer. I think church is really important, I think it's important to be reminded every sunday or whatever, how important this relationship is. I just, I just don't know what to do or where to go from here.
I feel a bit lost. A bit, I don't know, adrift or something. A bit uneasy and afraid.
But, you know, happy etc.