Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Ghost of Christmas Past

Recently, I saw someone from my not so distant past. Today I spoke to someone from my VERY distant past. In my mind I am constantly wondering "what did they think? Can they see I am different? Do they remember who I was?" In a town as small as Christchurch, the past is always just around the corner, or sitting at the end of your pew. There's no escaping it.

"Time takes time" according to Ben Folds, and he is right. The past is pain, at times, and it's hard when the pain is introduced into the new season, by the people who carry it with them. I made a fool of myself in my past, and when I see those people who saw it, I am reminded (and humiliated).

But, why be negative? I am changed - not remade, but reborn. I am free from the past and its constraints, and I am not that person anymore. I am also free of other people's expectations and judgments of me. What is important is God's expectation and judgment of me...and also, to a lesser degree, my own.

When I see these people, when the intial torment subsides, I am AMAZED at what God can do, and at what HE has done in me. Surrender to him, I beg you. Not in word only, but in deed. Tell Him, do what you will with me, whether I want you to or not. Give Him permission to do in you, what you would not have him do. He is GOD after all, God the uncreated, God the Faithful. What is there to fear? "For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever!" (1 Corinthians 4:17)

All For Jesus.


Karen said...

I so get you on this. Unfortunately people do have memories of the way we used to be and these are often difficult to erase. I am always wondering if people can see that I have changed and that I have grown in my walk with God. I KNOW I am a better person that I used to be but do others think the same? Does it really matter what they think? Oh but it does because we take our whole acceptance thing from what others think. I am rambling I know but you have just hit a chord with me again Sharyn. I would love to meet up with you again.

Elizabeth said...

You write so well Shaz. Today, with a view to the future, I visited my past haunts. Later I was asked how I felt there. The building is fine, no problems but people are another thing. Do I truly forgive, can I forgive or do I say I forgive and simply avoid them so no issues arise??!! I need to be forgiven on that final day, I must practise forgiveness now. But wait, if you have changed and I have changed and Karen has changed then maybe they have too. Must take a second look sometime with my eyes open and my jaw unclenched.

amy said...

"The old has come and the new has come" (2 Corin 5:17)

You have changed so much Shaz. Sometimes people you run into from the past just don't know you now... if they're important enough... they'll find out!

amy said...

Opps... that was meant to be

"The old has gone and the new has come"

But I'm sure you already figured that one out!

Sharyn said...

Argh thanks Amz! I am stoked that you can see! (you are one of the important ones...)