I haven't been feeling fabulous lately, which is probably why my blogs have been such downers. ;-) Uni has been hard work, and because of that I hardly see my friends, and that makes me feel crap. But, the important work of learning to turn firstly to God has been greatly enhanced by this. When, at night, I feel low, I want to text my friends and get them to cheer me up. Often I do, but sometimes I think to myself, no. Here is an opportunity to turn to God first and let HIM cheer me up and comfort me. After all, if I say I love him first, I better practise it.
So, I have been working on prayer as conversation lately. What this means, for me, is that I spurn all jargon, and speak to God, outloud, as if he were right there sitting on my bed. Which, of course, I believe He is. This is quite a discipline. No more "I just pray", or "please just do this", because I would never talk to any person like that. I do pray like that mostly, because it serves its purpose. I am not against jargon, it's useful. But sometimes not allowing myself to fall back onto old ways of praying challenges me into better honesty.
And, quite frankly, it works. I did feel cheered up last night. Plus, I felt like I really prayed, with my mind as well as the rest of me. And I find that is not as easy as it sounds.