Thursday, May 05, 2005

The question is...

Did I spill the raspberry on the carpet, or was it there when Mum and Dad went away? Hahah, just kidding Dad....there's no raspberry.

I am supposed to be in my Ethnicity Tutorial at the moment, but I decided that my time would be better spent catching up on my readings. And, instead here I am. I encourage all and sundry readers (both of you) to get your own blogs, because there is something manifestly empowering about having a form of expression that is YOURS AND YOURS ALONE! Self indulgent it may be, but it helps.

This is what I have been (God has been) forming in my mind...this idea of myself as a unique person who is profoundly alone in an individual sense. Does that sound depressing? It used to depress me when people said, 'there's nobody like you'. I used to think to mineself, well then, I am totally alone. But NOW, that feels like freedom. I am the only person in my life from start to finish. I look at my life, and it is just mine. Others come and go, I have differing connections with different people...parents, siblings, friends...perhaps a husband and children one day, but EACH of them is only there for part of the journey. The only one who is there the whole time is me. (And, God of course...but that's a given, and not what I am referring too).

See, the best metaphor of life for me is a journey, or a pilgrimage, if you will, and on this pilgrimage there is just me. And that is such a great feeling! Have I explained myself? Perhaps not. This idea or conception of myself is EMPOWERING for me. Because, if my life is entirely my own, I ought not spend it trying to please others, whose life it is not. It's MY journey, and I get to choose the directions.

So my blog, in one way, is an expression of this, because it is a page all about me (it's all about me...). I create it, I write it, I link to things I like, I talk about things that matter to me. It's a representation of myself and, significantly, a public one. This is a great feeling. Is this terrible? Self indulgent? Hope not.


Simona said...

This is a really cool post. Its something that we don't really think about, well I don't. This is another thing to ponder and it is a gift even though at a first look maybe it is scary. It is not self-indulgent, well I don't think so. Its strange to think that even outside of space and time and other people I am still who I am! Cool blog!

A. J. Chesswas said...

That is a cool thought. I remember I used to have lots of cool thoughts like that when I was a sociology student too. Power to thinking I say.