Saturday, May 07, 2005

Life As A Lemming

"Because it's like that time has been forgotten (which in a way is a good thing) but maybe I felt that my experience of that time has been forgotten and invalid."

Amy's post today really moved me. I am one of the lemmings. For so long I loved Opawa, I believed in Opawa, I worked and gave my heart to Opawa. My relationship with God crumbled and I never noticed until it was gone, because I never put anything above Opawa. Opawa was my world.

Such a state of affairs cannot last indefinitely, and there came a time when it was right for me to leave. That time was about two years ago, just before the winds of change began to sweep over Opawa. I think often if ONLY I had waited, just a short time. If only I had hung on, not given up, not escaped. All the years would have seen a harvest. As it is, Amy's words echo in my heart. My experience of that time has been forgotten and invalid, and my contribution to what Opawa is now has been obsoleted. I mean nothing at Opawa anymore. All the years when I was right there, up the front....working and praying and giving everything I had, and now all the new people don't even know my name. It's so painful, so strange, so surreal.

I am not sorry I left, I have found a new place, I know I am where God wants me, my relationship is restored, I am so happy with myself, I am FREE. I have discovered what Church can be like. I wish though, that I had stayed just a little longer, so I could have been part of the new Opawa, so I could have been part of the harvest.

As it is, I am so PROUD of Amy and all the others, who didn't flee like rats from a sinking ship. I am in awe. I am glad that Opawa is changing, I am glad that there is hope, even out of such brokeness. I remember well how awful it was when the others left, I am sorry I added to that awfulness. I wish Opawa, and all who dwell there, the very best of God's blessings.


amy said...

Wow. I'm about to cry... your blog has moved me to. I know the pain you felt during that time and I think it was right for you to get out of it when you did. Although yes I wish you could have been part of the harvest.

Isn't it strange how God had two different path's mapped out for us, yet somehow we're on the same road? I am just SO happy you have found your place at Elim, where you have restored your relationship with God. That is just so great. You could have easily allowed the circumstances to overwhelm you and put you off it altogether - but you didn't. I am so proud of you to! Yes it was sad you leaving (being a lemming!), but now I see you and where you at now and that's so great.

I can't imagine what it would be like to come along to Opawa and not be recognised after all you've put in. That would be a horrible feeling. But know that you have had an incredible part to play in the life and pre-wind stage and I remember you! You can't create a house without a lot of hard work put in first.

May God bless you heaps as you step out and get involved again in worship ministry. I hope it is a pure joy again.

Sharyn said...

Thanks Amz, I am glad that you remember me! I am glad that we shared that experiance, we are like war veteran buddies now!

It's amazing to me how we went such different ways, and yet our experiances are so similar. God gave us to each's so cool. I love you war veteran buddy!

(Would you like some crackers with that cheese!!!???? Hahahah peels of laughter)

amy said...

HE HE you're cracking me up!! You know I love cheese!

Yes we are like War Vets aye! It does feel sumthing like that (hope that's not offending to real war vets!) It's great we're in a new season of our lives.

Love ya too war vet buddy!

PS - I'm loving this blogging world

Elizabeth said...

I've been away for almost a week and boy have I missed you blogs! (Did your number of hits go down Lynne?) Furthermore you have multiplied wonderfully in my absence and if it continues like this ~ like Danielle and Jan K doing it too, then I can retire from all other activities and spend my days reading blogs! It will surely increase my wit and pleasure in life!
This particular blog brought afresh the sadness of what was and what might have been. The pain and grief lingers but God is in control; and at least blogs connect us all afresh. You've done good Shaz darling and so have you, our beloved Amy! Now pass the tissues whydoncha xx

Anonymous said...

Umm sorry I cant email right now. The blog I mentioned is getyergoat.blogspot

Andrew said...

Sharyn....hmmmmm, the name does seem familiar....
You were the one who kept on punching me in the arm right??


Andrew said...

Imagine life before Blogs.
We'd have to write "letters" to each other!


amy said...

Oh Elizabeth you're a good one. Yes a day of reading blogs sounds good, I could do that too! Has Jan and D made one? Cas I'd def read theirs. And of course if you made one... I would read that too, which would of course definatley increase my wit and pleasure!! lol

Elizabeth said...

Having 'slept' on Amy and Sharyn's lemming comments it comes to me that some actions that appear to be the actions of lemmings actually are not as they appear. Some thought they saw Sharyn's jump to death but in fact it has led to life, so maybe this never was a lemming action. Like Abraham who left 'not knowing where he was going' (Heb 11:8)the jump was, at the time unexplainable, therefore open to any interpretation and so misunderstood. God's blessing is very evident in both Amy who stayed and Sharyn who went..... but maybe I am biased about these two.

Karen Winder said...

I totally understand where you are coming from it is strange to think that new people do not know you or what you contributed but that does not make what you did any less valid. I watched my walk with God slowly ebbing away in our last few months at Opawa but left before it got too bad but there have been moments lately when I have wondered if we did the right thing leaving and how nice it would be to be part of the woodwork still there now but God leads us all on different journeys and sometimes it is not until we are away from a situation that we can see things more clearly. I so wish things could have been different but God gives everyone a free will and unfortunately some people made decisions that affected us all. Stay strong, girl and I am really enjoying reading all these blogs. I hope you don't mind me seeing into your mind and heart HAHA! I still remember your very first day at Youth Group and church and am really delighted to hear things are going well for you now. May you know God's deepest love and prescence as you serve him. Love K

Sharyn said...

Sheesh all these comments! I'm not worthy!
Andrew - YISS I am the out or I shall beat you. And letters...what were they again???
Karen - I am glad for you to see what God has done in me! I remember you well, you were very kind to me. Amazing, what God can do???!!!
And are the best.