I am 24, and I am single. I have BEEN single for a long time now, much longer than I thought I would be. Sometimes singleness looks like freedom, and sometimes it looks like pain, but always it is there, in the background of my life. I have come to look on it as a gift, but it is a bittersweet one.
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There are these dreams - dreams that cause me to long for something other than singleness. Not sexual dreams, dreams of love, that stay with me all day. The longing in me for this love is deep, very deep. Also, there is a man. I barely know him (it is always so) but I see in him something I would have, and this causes me pain, because I know how these things end. I BEG God to take this longing away, but he does not. He shows me that this longing is good - it is how he intended me to be, and he will not take it away, since it is intended. Instead, he says, hold it up as "a thing precious", an offering of a good thing. And then he says "I will satisfy you, like the finest of foods". (Psalm 63). This is a hard thing, a thing that burns me, but I love to hear his voice. He looks at me, and I am deeply aware that he KNOWS me. So, there is sadness, but also, there is joy.
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Now we live with a wonderful expectation because Jesus Christ rose again from the dead. For God has reserved a priceless inheritance for his children. It is kept in Heaven for you, pure and undefiled beyond the reach of change and decay. (1 Peter 1:3-4 NLT)
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(You should not think that I am sad, this is not so. I have joy, because I know he builds in me righteousness, and because his way IS the best way. Also, I am happy - life is sweet.)
4 comments:
Ah yes such a bittersweet experience. I'm with ya on that one! Singleness does have such freedom and time for growth and developing self, yet it is lonely and painful at times. I've been single for awhile now too. I count myself as a single person. I'm so used to it. I still want someone in the future & it can be hard, but I don't feel I need a man to satisfy me anymore. I think God has/is filling that space.
It's so amazing to see you close to God again and have that joy inside. That's so exciting and very inspiring. (Weeping endures for a night, but joy cometh in the morning)
Just remember Shazza that when you're at that place of not 'wanting a man' anymore... he'll come along. You're just not ready... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA just jokes!! U know who I sound like!
Love your blog. Look forward to reading more...
Hay Amy... thanks for your incredibly kind words...we single girls must stick together, and show the world that we don't need a man to validate us! (thanks Natasha bedingfield). You have been such an amazing friend to me, and I'm glad we can still be after all these years.....love you
(hahahah you crack me up....i'm just not ready I guess, if only I were more mature)
Yes we must stick together! Go Natasha you white homie-gee chick. She puts it so well aye.
It is so great to be friends with you again. Not that we stopped... but you know what I mean. There's been some space and I think it was needed space for both of us. Time for us to both grow and develop.
You have been an amazing friend to me to. I mean that. There's something so unique about our friendship that is different to others. I think its something to do with a depth there & what we've been through together (J club?!) So I hope we will always keep our friendship.
Ohh... would someone get me sum tissue! he he
You two are really having a "Thelma and Louise" moment there aren't you!
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